For me, much of my anxiety is connected to the concept of time.
I throw the flesh of an apple away so I can rush home to eat a proper meal. The apple was intended to hold me over, but now it's slowing me down as I hurry toward my parked car. I need to go home—now, so I throw the ½ finished fruit away.
I arrive home and prepare my dinner. It's too hot to eat so I meditate for 10 minutes. Not starving, but still anxious to finish meditating so I can eat. But then I realize an eerie insight:
➡️ I'm anxious to finish eating so I can have time to watch a show before bed.➡️ And anxious to finish the show on time to permit a full night's sleep.➡️ I need sufficient sleep so I can be productive at work.➡️ I need energy for work so I can get more work done.
The more work I get done, the less-behind I feel, but never "ahead" or even "on time" for that matter— never content, & right where I'm supposed to be in this space & time. The target is always moving.
There's always a next objective to chip away at: another personal, relational, physical, or professional goal to put energy toward.
But neurosis is experienced within the rush toward. Approach and acceleration are not the same concepts. Approach invites forward movement and steadfastness. Acceleration is for machines. No way for mental health.
I contrast this to "vacation mode." My travels to Mexico where I spent 1 objectiveless week in the country. I asked my girlfriend, "what's next" … "what are we doing today" — perpetual motion of the US ideology.
She responded smartly: "you're doing it."
It might have taken me 5-6 days among our 7 to finally drop into the mindset fully:
"you're doing it."
Westerners end up "doing life wrong" when habitually walking the treadmill. The wise words of "don't forget to stop and smell the roses" and "you can have it all, just not all at once" ring loudly here. Enjoy your presence, my friend. Every moment is your life, including this one.
